A Drug Deal(er) Gone Right!

Warning: this blog is said with plain words with good intent. 

I would like to begin by saying this is very difficult for me to write. As thoughts run through my mind and memories that I wish I've never had - this here brings tears down my face. For those who don't know me - congratulations, you will get to know me a little more here on this blog. Previously, I wrote: "Things Can Change If You Want Them To", my testimony of my conversion. Now - I would like to talk about my past. Why would I like to do that? Well - I feel inspired to do so because I know deep inside it may help someone else.

I was about 20 years old when I met a friend who I will not mention. We became very close friends - even like brothers. At first we were huge pot smokers. There wasn't a day that past without smoking a joint or two - or three - or - well you get the point. Unfortunately, things got boring and we decided to add unto our habit with alcohol. Great! Alcohol and weed. How bad can it get right?

One night we were pretty much wasted and decided to have a little fun (so we thought). That night we did a lot of dumb things, but to make a long story short - The police were knocking on my door and pulled us out of my house and threw us in jail. We were charged with grand theft auto (GTA). Do I remember that happening? No, but I'm glad they dropped the charges because they didn't have any hard evidence.

You would think I would have learned my lesson from that experience, but wrong! I was probably thrown in jail at least 6 to 7 times in my lifetime. You think I would remember how many times, but believe me - I have reasons to forget all this.

Within a 4 year period - things got really bad. My friend and I began doing drugs with his father and uncle. We eventually graduated to cocaine - from cocaine to crack cocaine - from crack cocaine to methamphetamines. We also did a few other drugs, but meth was our drug of choice.

My friend decided to move to San Francisco to make a new life. From my understanding, things got worse for him. He ended up stabbing someone and ended up a fugitive. He came back to California to hide, but that didn't last long. Within 2 weeks, we were taking a drive and was pulled over by police. We were surrounded by patrols and the last words I heard from him was: "it's over." Indeed it was over. I lost my friend and never seen him again.

Eventually I found another friend who was doing the same thing I was. We never got into any problems with police, but we did a fair amount of drugs to the point he ended up falling asleep while driving and getting into a car accident which had him end up in the hospital in a coma. Good thing I wasn't in the car with him that day. Since then, I haven't seen him either.

At one point I didn't sleep for days. It seemed weeks. I started to hallucinate and see many dark shadows as if they were demons. Where they real? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't doubt that they were. The day has come that I did way too much within 2 days. I ended up overdosing with a heart rate of 180 bpm. I remember the paramedics saying: "Yup, he's gotta go." Meaning I need to go to the hospital - Now!

The paramedics injected me with something (who knows what it was), but it felt very very weird. Supposedly it slows down your heart rate in an instant. Well - it didn't work. So they did it again. It seemed to work and I was on my way to the hospital. I don't remember anything else until I went home that same day and hallucinated the whole night seeing stuffed animals walking towards me and fishes swimming in my room. I wasn't scared or anything - I was actually having a laugh over the whole situation.

Don't get me wrong - this to me is very scary now. I didn't know any better. I'm only telling you how I felt and how it went. I'm being very honest and believe me -- this isn't easy for me to write. It seems as if it were yesterday and I dislike thinking about the whole thing.

After my overdose - you would think it would be enough for me to stop. Well - it wasn't. A week later I did it again. Well guess what? It happened again. I overdosed, but this time I was able to control it and wait for it to pass. That there was my wake up call. Well - for the next 5 to 6 years it was.

After several years I thought it was over. I thought I will never - ever go back. Wrong again! I met yet another friend. We became very close and ended up the best of friends. This time, it was different. We were hanging out with the wrong crowd. A VERY WRONG CROWD. To make a long story short - It got to the point that I had many sources to go to and I thought - why not make money off this? I was able to get it for cheap and make a fair amount of money from it. So I did.

At that moment I thought I had it all. I had friends, money, a nice car and for the first time a lot of attention. When I was going to high school I didn't have many friends at all. As a matter of fact I was a nerd. I did all my school work and never missed a day. Getting all this attention felt really great until things began to get loud. What is loud? It's when everyone begins to know who you are and what you're about. There was this one time that I went inside a bar and the girl bartender there came up to me and said: "So you're the guy." I asked "guy?" She said: "Yeah, the drug dealer for this joint." When she said that, I knew I was in trouble. This wasn't good at all. It's one thing that your clients know you, but people you don't know very well? No. Not at all!

At one point there were a few of us trying to gain clients. One will try to steal one from me and I will steal two from him. It began to be a battle of clients. It wasn't even for the money anymore, it was about power. This was silly too because it wasn't like we were Scarface or The Godfather in any way. We were pussycats compared to real drug lords. The point was that we were the main guys in our neighborhood and we always had it. 

There was a huge investigation going on and many were going to jail. I decided to stop everything because I didn't want to end up like everyone else. I was clean for a few years and I was doing good for a while. I began to hang out with my friend again and things went back to the way it was, but this time, I was using a lot more and wasn't selling anymore. I began to be very addicted to the point I wasn't paying my rent or bills. I lost everything, including my family. I was sleeping in my car for days until my friend (who is my wife now), took me in. I stayed with her and I stopped the drugs for a while. 

It didn't take long that I went back hanging out with my friend and began doing the same o thing. As you can see - there has been a lot going on and all this happened within a 22 year period. If you can imagine all the stories I have... I'm just telling you the basics. This is nothing. 

The day has come that I lost my best friend from a drug overdose. This was a wake up call for me, because it took my friends life to make the decision to stop doing meth. For a long time I had a guilty conscience because I felt it was part of my fault. Now, I pretty much forgave myself because we are responsible for our own actions, not someone else's.

I came a long ways my friends... a very long ways. Indeed anybody can change - anybody! Nobody in this planet can tell me otherwise. For those who say that someone can't change - it's not true! That is something that Satan wants you to believe. I remember I use to wonder how I managed to stay out of jail or even stay alive. Now I know why. Because God made it happen. He has a plan for me and I haven't completed it yet. And I know that I am part of His plan. What is His plan? His plan is to bring all His children back home. He needs ME - He needs YOU! - He needs us ALL! Because He Loves Us! Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all can be transformed, cleansed and freed from addiction!

"I WILL BE ON YOUR RIGHT HAND AND ON YOUR LEFT,

AND MY SPIRIT SHALL BE IN YOUR HEARTS, AND MINE

ANGELS ROUND ABOUT YOU, TO BEAR YOU UP"

(DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 84:88)

And I say these things in his sacred name, Jesus Christ, Amen

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